Let go ( Erwin x Elite!Reader fiction | Part 9)

It's not like you were expecting to wake up with him beside you. Blinking and darting your eyes before you opened them fully, blurry and foggy vision painted on your bright (color) orbs. Your bad arm bandaged and hanged, and a dextrose on your left.

You immediately called out Erwin's name but someone unfamiliar yet similar to you appeared beside you.

"Sister," she touched your hand. Of all the people to see the first thing you open your eyes, it's definitely not her, or one of them.

"Where's Erwin?" you almost drawled, pain suddenly kicking in.

"He's," she paused, "Commander Erwin is restrained from seeing you. It was an order.." she said, eyes shifting to the door for some reason.

"Why would they do that? I want to see him," you objected but the pain from your right arm went up to your head. You closed your eyes and started to breathe fast, feeling your chest tighten at the same time. The sudden picture of Belinda, Elm and Jace dying infront of you played in a slow motion, it's as if it happened just right in front you, causing you to cringe.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt? Do you want me to call a nurse?" she prattled, as you thought, followed by a nod then soon she went out.

At least Arthur is still alive.

Your parents suddenly went in with two nurses.

"How are you feeling Miss Mo-" you stopped the nurse, "(last name)," you corrected. She looked at her coworker who gave her a questioning nod, "Uh, yes, Chief (last name), any bleeding, throbbing, muscle pain?"

"Yes, there's a throbbing on my right arm and my head hurts." Your voice still raspy. The other went to your left and unfolded your sleeve up to your elbow.

"Are you pregnant, ma'am?" he asked, holding out a syringe.

"No," you answered, "I guess so," adding it to provoke your parents about your obvious relationship with Erwin.

"Ma'am we haven't fully checked your body because we're not allowed to do so, but make sure you're a hundred percent confident about your answer. Morphine can damage infants that are only weeks old." he said. For a moment, chills went up to your spine as you stared at the syringe.

I can't be pregnant, right? I mean we did it only a few times but, I can't possibly be.
But sure as hell we're not using protection.

"I'm sure of it." you said then he punctured your skin. "Not allowed to do so, huh?"

"We're not allowed to touch anyone from the royal family without consent. Being a member of it, I abide by the rules." he responded, wiping off the tiny speck of blood on your arm then unfolded your sleeve.

"So is everyone around here a nonpareil?" you tried smirking.

"Akana, stop, we're not opposed to you." Your mother exhaled.

"Then why is he restrained from seeing me? As I recall, I was attacked by a royal blood, one of them got eaten actually and I was a bit thankful." You kept your voice minimal.

"I accused this Commander of what he's done to you, he knows well of your position and yet he continued to put you at risk. He had no idea that putting your life on the verge of death made just gave him a golden ticket to his execution."

"I swear if you do something to him I will destroy all of you," you threatened yet your voice is still minimal. It was unexpected, never in your life have you said something like this, but if it's Erwin, everything dramatically changes.

"Aunt, I know it's not my place to speak but, you shouldn't refrain him from seeing Aka-, (name)," the female nurse suggested. One moment, the slightest relief came to your system.

"I hope you're not dumb enough not to consider that I'm in the Scouting Legion; I've lived outside the walls for 5 damned years and I'm still here breathing and you people actually thought I was dead on the day I was born so what makes this different?" you paused, "Just don't you dare a lay a finger on Erwin, if something were to happen to him I swear you won't like it." After getting caught up with the heat, Anari went in holding a tray of apples and water.

"I've brought you food, in case you get hungry." She smiled, unaware of the current spiraled up situation.

It was good enough that she went in, for the first time you were glad that you saw her face like yours to break the tension. "Don't stay for too long, she needs a lot of rest." The male nurse added, then both of the nurses left.


It's been three days since the expedition, still you haven't heard of Erwin, nor Arthur, or anyone else in particular. You don't have the slightest idea of what's going on and it's irritating you to the core. Your body's finally recovered but your family insist you full protection and a whole week of recovery, or in your point of view, they're just keeping you locked up.

Every day you would wake up not feeling anything, it's like a huge hole was punched right into your chest, everything that you could possibly care about was taken right away from you in an instant. 

Every night, the faces of your squad with bright eyes and wide smiles would flash in your mind and you would end up crying. And in the morning your promise of waking up next to him would kill you inside. It's been like this ever since, and you got tired of it.

That night, the cold marbled floor sent shivers on your spine as you decided to walk out and leave. Normally, they would go down the floors and walk out like a princess, but you went for the windows, against the cold wind and 5 flights of stairs.

The best part is you bruised your knee on your bad landing.

The office of the scouts isn't that far away from the area where the gold suckers are, so it wasn't a hassle for you. Aside from hiding from the guards walking about every night, some skipping work and decided to sleep on covered dead ends, but others are really dedicated to their jobs. 

As you entered the building, you immediately ran all the way upstairs to get to Erwin, cold sweat started beading on your forehead and your cold arms couldn't wait to feel the embrace of your lover. 

"Erwin?" you panted, knocking thrice at his door. Or yours as well.
Wait, this is our room, so should I just go in? You thought. You held the knob but you stopped there.

Is he asleep? Is he home? What time is it anyway? 


Is he seeing anyone? The worst part came to your head. You bit your lip as you let go of the door knob, but it suddenly opened.


He said your name. His hair ruffled ad his eyes a bit squint. Your heart stopped when you saw his beautiful face, no words could ever escape from your mouth when he immediately pulled your body and embraced it tightly.

"I'm not dreaming this time, right?" his soft warm lips brushed on your cold skin.

"No, you're wide awake." you tried smiling, but you ended up with weak tears on your eyes. It was only a few days since your separation, but it felt like an eternity.

Both of his large hands cupped your face; he stared right in to you and you saw your own reflection on his bright eyes against dark circles on his skin. 

"I couldn't sleep without you, it's not the same." his forehead touching yours, eyes shut and brows furrowed. You desperately wanted to kiss him, and you did. Both of you entering the room and you shut the door close silently on your back. 

"I'm sorry," it's the only thing you can say, even though you have reached the highest peak of intimacy with him, he can still shut words from your mouth.

He chuckled, then you followed.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you, it was never in my intention to put you at risk. I'll never do that again." he said. He overestimated you, and you're guilty about that, entirely you feel like it's your fault for failing him. He expected something from you and you had nothing.

"I don't deserve it, really. This is about me, not you, don't blame yourself." you said, biting your lip as you brushed your cold arms.
He sighed as held your arm. "People actually blame you for one's weaknesses and I can't have you absorbing mine. But I can't do anything about it." you curled your forehead.

How is he this strong? He's blamed for everything and I just noticed it now.

And yet, he still have a human heart.


He pulled you closer again then he kissed your head; resting your head on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. "And it's unfair." you added.

"Are you sympathizing me?" he chuckled again.

"No, it's just, how come you're numb but at the same time, you're not?" You couldn't express your thoughts.


"Because it's only to you I can show my true feelings." his voice rang on your head and you could listen to it forever.